Fathers and Time

I’m thinking a lot about fatherhood these days. Could be the Baby Dedication this Sunday inspiring my thoughts; or the entertainer at last night’s annual Chamber of Commerce dinner as he talked about his family life and children, including a difficult divorce; or maybe it was for the first time seeing my oldest grandson play basketball last weekend; or the picture posted on facebook today, of the son of a friend, in a basketball pose serving as the perfect highlight for a poster; or remembering today is the anniversary of the tragic death of the son of good friends; or still yet the book I’m reading in prep for a class for fathers this spring.

In reading the book Raising a Modern Day Night by Robert Lewis, which will serve as a guide for the class, he invites appreciation for the value of time. No father is perfect, some less so than others perhaps, but there is no replacement for the time a father gives to his children. My own dad has his faults. And we had moments as with any father and son when we stood at opposite poles. His stubbornness found an equal in the persistence of his son. But, despite the imperfections I have recognized my entire life he gave me his time, without regret or distraction.

I think of the fathers who never had the privilege of returning from a battle field to invest time in their children. I think of the domestic tragedies in which in a moment families are ripped apart and a father longs to erase the chapter telling the story of a son lost to a drunk driver. Dads such as these serve as the backdrop for every father to be reminded they remain still able to give time to their children others cannot.

Dads you’re not perfect! But, your children don’t need your perfection. Everything in their world already does or will condition them to expect people to make mistakes, including you. But, they need your time! There is no substitute! Put on your masculinity and have a tea party with a three year old little girl, or play catch with a six year old even if it means repeatedly chasing the ball as it rolls under the car. And don’t do it just once a week. That’s not time, that’s concession to the role of fatherhood, not being a father. There’s no substitute for time. Your time!